Blackburn grandmother supported by Lifeways shares journey after losing 10 years to mental illness

A grandmother, supported by Lifeways, has published a book which she hopes will support people experiencing mental ill health after she lost a decade of her life to her struggles. 

Susan’s book, My Lost Years, details her traumatic childhood - including being taken by her mother to view corpses in coffins – and how she was admitted to a mental health ward at the turn of the Millennium. 

She’s now settled in her own flat and supported by the Lifeways team at a supported living service in Blackburn, but life wasn’t always this calm. 

She was transferred between several hospitals as her condition worsened after 2000. Also suffering from severe anxiety, Susan became convinced she was a “living corpse” with no feelings. “I lost my mind - my mind completely went,” she said.  

At one point, after a nurse recommended she try living independently, Susan was placed in her own flat, where she sat alone in a barren space for six weeks as she believed there were rats outside. “I wouldn’t answer the door to anybody - it was horrible,” she added.  

When her friend eventually arrived with police, she was found walking in circles and banging her head against the wall.  

Susan’s turning point came when social worker Sheila took over her case. Years later, the two remain close friends and even worked together to publish her book.Another pivotal moment in Susan’s journey was the birth of her first grandchild, Emily. 
“I actually felt something for this child, where I hadn’t felt anything for anybody,” she said. 

When the time came to move into a flat, Susan was shown around Balfour House, where an upstairs flat was available. As soon as she walked in, she saw the potential in the space. She redecorated it to her own taste and has now lived there for around 14 years, finding new stability in her life. 

“I decided to save up, get a new bed, wardrobes that were white so when I woke up everything was white. I love it here.” 

She praised the ongoing support she continues to receive from the staff at Lifeways, giving particular thanks to her key worker, Katrina. 

“I am so happy. I’ve always had support from Sheila anyway, but the support I’ve had in this living environment… there really are nice people,” she said. 

“Katrina is really good - she helped me out when I struggled with the electric bill. They said I owed so much, but Katrina sorted it all out, didn’t she.” 

More than ten years since being discharged from mental health services, life has improved significantly for Susan. She now has four grandchildren and a son she’s never been closer to.  

“I’ve got my son back. He loves me and I know he does. Having people in your life who love you and living in an environment where you’re happy… with all my grandkids and my friends who thought they’d lost me; I’ve come back much better than I was. Now, I love my life.”  

She explained that writing the book about her experience was entirely her idea. This led her and Sheila to spend time tracking down her hospital records - and they laughed when they saw how many boxes they ended up with. The main reason behind it all was her desire to help anyone else going through mental illness, in the hope it would offer them support.  

“I’m here to tell the story, and I hope that anybody who reads this, it helps you.”  

As she wrote in the final paragraph of her book: “Keep going, wherever you are in your personal recovery journey, and I wish you everything good in life.”